PinnedPublished inHuman Parts‘I Can’t Understand Your Daddy’s Accent’My immigrant dad, the most embarrassing man on the planet, made no sense until I understood where he came fromJun 25, 20202K10Jun 25, 20202K10
Published inThe Belladonna ComedyI’m the Waistband of Your Sleep Shorts, Reporting from MarsAll I know is I went to bed a mere band of elastic and woke up a space pioneer.Dec 10, 20241831Dec 10, 20241831
How to Keep Your Cat Humble after Acquiring a Fortune of Packing PeanutsNo cats ingested or were given packing peanuts in the writing of this storyNov 16, 2024601Nov 16, 2024601
How not to explain the meaning of ussy to your work teamStrangers, or as I like to call them, “dangerous adults,” are not what my co-workers should feel like after a year or so on the job. But…Oct 30, 202450Oct 30, 202450
What drifts awayI plop a grape tomato directly into my mouth from my dirty hand. My grandpa checks the garden on his way to the rusty metal drum where he…Mar 17, 202411Mar 17, 202411
My Semi-Erotic Fiction Was Read Aloud to my Eighth-Grade Peers, and I Survived.Oct 11, 2023601Oct 11, 2023601
Slippery Business: How a Pair of Platform Sandals Could Have Saved My Life… and HonorTwo men stood in less than a foot of water, leading an aerobics session to a pool full of boozy tourists. I was one of them. I waved my…May 19, 2022101May 19, 2022101
What to Expect When You’ll Never ExpectSilence is my preference. Occasionally the cat whines or pukes directly in my ukulele and that’s about all I have the bandwidth for. I…Dec 31, 20211081Dec 31, 20211081
Watching People React to Breastfeeding: My New Favorite HobbyAs much as I love my brand new nephew, few things have brought me as much joy as watching people’s reactions to my sister openly…May 28, 2021234May 28, 2021234
Editorial Professional Tries to Lose Property VirginityIt’s Free Real EstateApr 30, 2021193Apr 30, 2021193
2021’s Most Eligible Mythical Beasts if You’re Fed up with Dating HumansDating humans is rough. Dating humans in a pandemic is even worse. If you’re anything like me, you’d sooner attend a 6 am slack meeting…Mar 10, 2021155Mar 10, 2021155
Designer Companions: Behavior, Care, and Common PitfallsPartners come in many forms. The ethical and trendy choice lately has been to shop local: seeking out partners organically through friends…Feb 14, 202178Feb 14, 202178
Nobody Smashes Tables Like the Buffalo Bills“You’re Doug Flutie!” I wrapped my arms around his neck to give him the tightest squeeze possible. I then woke up to the strange taste of…Jan 24, 202150Jan 24, 202150
Published inCuriousEarworms Inside Me: How One Song Entered My Brain and Never LeftI don’t need to set an alarm anymore. My brain’s like, “No. I got you!” And every morning at around 7:50 AM, Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the…Nov 19, 2020238Nov 19, 2020238
Published inHuman PartsWoman Searches for Love in All the Wrong PlantsI thumb through a dating app late one night, letting the answers to prompts swirl around in my head…Sep 29, 20204632Sep 29, 20204632
A Love Note to My Dilapidated Front PorchHey, you. Yeah, you, with your exposed cinder-block foundation and twisty wrought iron balustrade. Thank you for letting me sit on you…Sep 3, 20201131Sep 3, 20201131
Only Have Big White Balls for YouI put on my designated date outfit: a black turtleneck and a brown tweed skirt with some large wooden buttons that hit slightly stage left…May 30, 202065May 30, 202065
No Beef Strings Attached: A Meatiocre Tinder DateHe is the kind of guy that should be my type. Through the window I see him in his Hawaiian shirt and chunky cardigan — the same Hawaiian…May 9, 2020126May 9, 2020126
RuPaul’s Catholic Mass Takeover: A COVivid Dream SequenceI am ascending a flight of pewter steps flanked by some uninspired iron hand railings and immediately can tell where I am. It is St…Apr 28, 20204Apr 28, 20204