Johnny LaZebnik – Medium

Johnny LaZebnik

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Johnny LaZebnik
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Human Parts

I Didn’t Steal a Child on Tuesday

I am 25 and it is 9:42 pm on a Tuesday. I am sitting in a Los Angeles subway station, which exists. I missed the train and the next is in…

7 min readSep 18, 2020

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Little boy on an empty subway platform.

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Johnny LaZebnik

“Are You My Therapist?”

A picture book for the special guy in your life.

4 min readNov 21, 2023

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“Are You My Therapist?”

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Johnny LaZebnik

The Princess and the Thicket

A surprisingly earnest fairytale.

11 min readAug 14, 2023

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The Princess and the Thicket

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Johnny LaZebnik

The Aristocrats, As Written by Madeline Miller

DISCLAIMER: This story contains vile sexual acts, and is not for the faint of heart. It is a parody of a classic joke, and is not intended…

6 min readDec 14, 2022

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The Aristocrats, As Written by Madeline Miller

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Johnny LaZebnik

Who’s On First, As Written By Emily St. John Mandel

“So… who’s on first?”

4 min readJun 13, 2022

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Who’s On First, As Written By Emily St. John Mandel

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Johnny LaZebnik

Some Ruminations on Dating, After Six Years Without a Boyfriend

the last few years, i’ve been more interested in new year’s reflections than resolutions. and since i’ve now been single in los angeles…

3 min readDec 29, 2021

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Some Ruminations on Dating, After Six Years Without a Boyfriend

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Johnny LaZebnik

33 Actually Good Questions to Ask on a First Date

My friend Liz Roche and I realized there was a problem — when we went on first dates, we had questions that we tended to ask, but we…

3 min readMay 26, 2021

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33 Actually Good Questions to Ask on a First Date

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Johnny LaZebnik

Dear [REDACTED]

A letter to a boy I do not know.

6 min readJan 4, 2021

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Dear [REDACTED]

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Johnny LaZebnik

Johnny LaZebnik

Johnny LaZebnik is a television writer based in Los Angeles, California. Follow him @jlazebnik on socials or visit http://johnnylazebnik.substack.com for more!

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