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A Dating App Founder and A Dating App Novice Walk Into A Bar
Finding love in unexpected places after a decade on the apps.
The moment I saw Ben, I knew he was new to dating apps. When you browse profiles long enough, you can’t help but pick up on patterns, and I was — literally — a professional. Driven by a decade of swiping that seemed to land me nothing but a handful of bad decisions, a lot of wasted time, and an uncomfortably judgmental mindset, I had recently raised venture funding and launched my own dating app.
After years of more exploratory swiping attempts, I had settled on searching for people similar to me. Specifically, men who related to my particular strain of existential dread, had also spent long stretches of time alone, and who didn’t need a relationship, per se, but longed to be understood. I was an expert at filtering my way to these matches, and though it hadn’t brought me love (or even a committed relationship longer than a few months), I was usually entangled in a “situationship” with someone who fit this bill.
When I saw Ben’s profile, I was in no place to date. It was 2020 and the world appeared to be ending, my dating app — requiring more than a minor pivot in the wake of Covid — was running out of money, and I had just moved across the country in a rash attempt to make one particularly evasive situationship work. Turns out, when nothing feels knowable, the clarity of a single goal can feel like relief, even if that goal is nothing short of self-destruction via a cross-country road trip. To no one’s surprise but my own, my attempt ended in disaster and I was left counting down the days until my return to New York.
But that night in Los Angeles, like so many nights in 2020, I was bored and lonely, so — with only eighteen days left until my return — I went on Tinder in the name of “research,” and swiped right.
“You’re from Brooklyn,” Ben messaged.
This was not in my profile.
“The backyard shot,” he wrote. “Classic Brooklyn.” Then, “I’m moving back to NY in a few months. So I want to be upfront about that.”
Moving to New York? Wanted to be upfront? “I’m also moving back to NY!” I typed too quickly.
