A Letter to My Dead Boyfriend
When we first met, I never expected things to turn out the way they did. I didn’t expect you to be my first love. I didn’t expect you to be my first loss.
When you texted me in 2014, on New Year’s Day, to say that you couldn’t get out of bed, I initially assumed you were exhausted or depressed. I was at dinner with my parents and you had just woken up. No, you explained, you couldn’t move your legs or feel your toes. I had to urge you to call for an ambulance.
When your dad texted me later that night to say that you had an emergency MRI, that the doctors had found a tumor on your spinal column, and that you were being transferred for emergency surgery, I distinctly remember wondering if it was real. Was I dreaming? This is the kind of stuff that only happens in movies. We were only 21. You couldn’t have cancer.
You did, in fact, have cancer. It took a few weeks for the biopsy results, but then we had an answer: Ewing’s Sarcoma. I Googled Ewing’s Sarcoma, and it did not sound good.
Children get Ewing’s Sarcoma; rarely, young adults do. You were right at the cutoff for the older range. Most children who survived did so due to the cells spreading in extremities which could be amputated. Survival rates are lower for patients with tumors in the torso.
