A List of Mistakes, in No Particular Order
It was a mistake to sell my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a mistake to come back to Los Angeles for a boy. It was a mistake not to swim through a magical underwater tunnel in Kauai, that led to a cylinder-like rock formation with a ceiling to the sky, creating a sunlit room. Or so I’m told, because I was too scared to hold my breath under water long enough to swim though that tunnel, even though all my friends weren’t. I cried in the Jeep home, knowing I had missed an opportunity I would never get back.
It was a mistake to turn down a fellowship at the Whitney Museum after college, because I thought I needed a “real” job. It was a mistake to stop painting. It was a mistake to listen to certain friends about men I dated, leading me to believe I was being mistreated when I absolutely wasn’t. It was a mistake to fly off the handle too many times when I was living with my boyfriend after college; I now know that he was the best one and I should have hung on to that guy.
It was a mistake to stay with other men who were fucking certifiable. It was a mistake to go on a bender of tequila, cigarettes, and sex after I got my heart broken in 2002. It was a mistake to do the same thing when I got my heart broken in 2009.
It was a mistake to get into such massive credit card debt, although I’m not sure how that even happened. It was a mistake to be a smoker all those years, even if I was technically a “social smoker.” Now it’s hard to find the motivation to take care of my health, because I’ve probably already fucked it up beyond repair. “Fubar health” should be a term.
It was a mistake to let a family of Ukrainian refugees live in my parents’ home which reminds me that it was also a mistake to join a board of a horse rescue, because then an online mob came after us. Perhaps helping others in general is a whole mistake category unto itself. Better just to stay in your lane, keep your side of the street clean.
It was a mistake to get Kybella under my chin a few years ago, which did nothing for my double chin and probably made it worse. It was a mistake to get this out of shape. It’s hard to motivate when you know that the benefits of exercise are never going to change…