Presenting as Masculine isn’t a Lesbian Requirement
On finding and expressing my true self.
“You’re not man enough for me,” she said with disgust. I placed my phone on the brown leather couch and listened as she told me my voice was too high and I didn’t dress masculinely enough. No amount of backward-fitted caps could make me “manly” enough for her. I furrowed my brow and scanned the room, trying to make sense of her words. I thought lesbian meant women with exclusive attraction to other women. This meant there was no room for the relationship to include a man and a woman.
I hung up the phone and sat in shock. I didn’t know if she still liked me or if I wasn’t enough. I got my answer a few days later, when she told me she cheated on me. I received a picture of a masculine presenting woman and her. My heart felt heavy, and I was crushed.
I had always been labeled as a “tomboy” as a child. I blamed this on the fact that the doctors told my mother she was having a baby boy, she thought it was true and got a surprise during birth. But as I grew, that changed. I spent more time in the mirror, making sure my bun was perfect and my headband matched the color of my shoes. My favorite color became pink instead of blue, and I wore dresses every once in a while.
