Jan 23, 2015
Abortion: The Truth of the Matter
In moments when I imagine being a pregnant woman without choice, fear radiates to the very edges of my imagination. I’m trapped in a nightmare from which there is no awakening, incarcerated in a body no longer under my control.
Fortunately, I have never been forced to carry a fetus to term against my will. I received a safe and legal abortion when an unplanned pregnancy followed not long after the birth of my second child. My decision fit with my life plan and my core values. Because I was treated with kindness and respect, I felt only gratitude and relief that access to a safe abortion was available to me.
The traumatic part came afterward when I shared this fact in one of my books and in a magazine in which I was a monthly columnist. I received hate mail and a death threat. The rage was evoked not so much by my choice to terminate the pregnancy, but rather by my unapologetic sharing that neither the decision nor the procedure was difficult for me.
Abortion is one of the most polarizing issues of our time. The only truth that we can all agree on regarding abortion is that there is no truth on which we can all agree. My own views on abortion are deeply held. Although I consider myself an open-minded person, the chance of my changing sides on the abortion issue is about as likely as my dropping my Jewish religion when the next Jehovah’s Witness knocks on my door.
We cannot convince others to see things our way. Our beliefs on abortion are shaped by personal values and attitudes that emerge from our unique family histories, and the traditions that have been passed from generation to generation. We are further influenced by our deepest unconscious wishes, longings and fears about such large subjects as life and death, birth and loss, sacrifice and entitlement, women, reproduction, and motherhood. It is no surprise that people see the abortion issue differently, passionately clinging to their view, some identifying with the unborn fetus and others with the rights of the woman carrying it.
So, here is the question. Given our differences, who should be in charge of a reproductive decision for me, or for you? Should a doctor or religious leader have the final word? Should the decision be dictated by whichever group exerts the most economic and political force of the day? Do we take a neighborhood vote?
We cannot eliminate our differences about abortion, nor will those differences go away. We can, at best, and with great effort, learn to tolerate opposing beliefs rather than trying to force all people to examine a complex subject through the same filter or see things our way.
Couples, families, and societies function best when people put their full energy into becoming the best expert on their own self, not their neighbor. The right to control our bodies is the most precious right we humans have. For women, everything is at stake here.
