Am I Non-Binary?
When I came out as bisexual in 2016, I thought I’d finally solved the mystery of why I never fit in with other girls. A few years later, I started questioning if I was even a girl at all.
I grew up in a rural Atlantic Canadian province, the oldest of four siblings in a very religious family. Of course, this came with a hefty load of repression. It took ten years, moving halfway across the country and changing my political views between my first thoughts about girls and when I finally admitted I was attracted to women. About a year after I initially came out, I adopted the label “lesbian” since my attraction to men happened so rarely someone could name a comet after it.
Now I knew I was a lesbian, I could name the reason why I never connected with other girls. When my brother and I were little, we played with legos, trucks and dressed up in costumes together. We dug sandcastles, covered ourselves in mud and collected sea creatures during our summers at the beach. From the first day of kindergarten until the end of grade 8, my friends were the nerdy boys who liked video games and weird music. Then, I skipped a grade and had to make a whole new circle of friends. I was welcomed into the group of girls with whom I’d played basketball the year before, but I always felt like the tagalong friend who got invited out of obligation.
The same thing happened when I moved to Ontario for my undergrad. I lived with two social butterflies, so I was invited to most group events through them. Those invitations stopped — and were revoked — once I came out to one of my roommates, who promptly disseminated the news to the entire church. They uninvited me from the girls’ grad trip to Cuba and my roommate’s wedding.
So much for four years of friendship.
From then on, I began seeking out queer friends. I worked as a museum educator for several years, where at least a third of our staff were queer. It was amazing to be among peers who saw me, understood me, and lived like me. I learned more and more about the complexities and the joys of queerness, and met people living lives I didn’t know were possible.
Unfortunately, it couldn’t last. In 2019, I moved back East for teacher’s college, where I…