Women of My Family, I Beg You: Let Me Die Alone

Please accept that maybe, just maybe, I want to be single

Illustration: Luciano Lozano/Getty Images

Dear ladies of this particular ancestral shield, who refuse to allow me to live out my days as a bachelor of poise and equanimity:

Ah, my wonderfully charming kinswomen! There are simply not enough holidays in the year for us to gather together and celebrate the…