An Unexpected Part of the Healing Journey — Loss
The other day during a therapy session, I said suddenly, “Healing is hard.”
“It is,” my therapist, J, replied. “It can be scary to leave what we know.”
J asked me if I could elaborate on the parts of the healing journey I was finding more difficult. I wanted to say, “Everything,” but in that moment I was feeling a particular strain, the one that comes from the loss of relationships that no longer fit you.
I’m lucky to have many friends located all over the country. I’ve spent years feeling confident in the web of my supporters. They have gotten me through many hard times, especially during the years I was struggling the most. But now, having overcome a lot of bad habits and some pretty dark moments, I have started noticing a change in my connection with many of them.
“My relationships feel different,” I finally managed.
He asked me to further elaborate. Had something specific happened? He knew about some of the changes — I recently asked to take a break from a friend because she wasn’t respecting my boundaries. Another friend and I parted because I didn’t want to deal with her drug use.
“I guess I feel a bit worried,” I told him. “I’m afraid of losing everyone.”
