Anger Makes You Human
Give yourself permission to feel it
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Aggressive, heavy, mean, negative, and unstable. Those are all words that might come to mind when we think of the word “anger.” That’s because anger is more than just a word used to describe an emotion — it’s actually part of what it means to be human.
In my recent work with my patients and personal life experiences, I’ve started to realize that people (myself included) struggle to embrace anger as a “normal” feeling. We’ve become a culture that is quick to judge and unable to understand the truths and layers behind anger. We also struggle with anger because it triggers physical discomfort and oftentimes leaves us feeling overwhelmed, drained, and exhausted.
I’ve been trying to encourage my patients to take a moment to acknowledge their “true” emotions without self-judgment. What I’ve come to realize is that it is often easier for us to tap into and acknowledge our feelings of sadness and anxiety than it is to feel angry. I believe a large part of this struggle comes from our foundation of self-authenticity as it relates to emotional expression. A lot of what we know about emotions, how to feel them, and how to manage them stems from our childhoods and the permission (or lack thereof) that we were given to acknowledge and express those emotions.
Think back to your childhood and see if you can try to recall how freely you were allowed to feel about your emotions — specifically, anger. Did someone create a safe space for you to feel? Did you have someone around to help you make sense of the heavier and not-so-pleasant emotions (like anger)? I’ve realized that very few of us had that as kids. Instead, there may have been someone shaming you for feeling a certain emotion, or perhaps you had someone guilt you for feeling a certain way, or you maybe had someone dismiss your feelings altogether.
If we grew up with the latter, we grew up as children who learned how to be “okay” with not expressing our feelings, or with others dismissing our feelings. Then we eventually evolved into adults who struggle with acknowledging our true feelings. The unhealthy truth is that we, as humans, will sacrifice our sense of self-authenticity if we are afraid of abandonment or judgment. So instead of saying “I’m angry with you because…” we instead…
