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Lived Through This
As a Black Woman, Self-Help Culture Continues to Let Me Down
Why does an industry designed around becoming a better person ignore my struggle?
I love self-help books. I’m a glutton for overpriced internet seminars promising enlightenment and business smarts. I unironically listen to podcasts that introduce people as “thought leaders” and “game-changers.” I know this makes me a wet dream for every halfway believable woman selling a course on Instagram, but it’s hard to let go of the fantasy: This could be the six-week program that changes my life.
Back in 2017 — the year that Charlottesville became synonymous with the tiki torch bros — I was enamored with a bubbly, white, blond-haired life coach. At the time, she’d just started a private Facebook group meant to celebrate the spirit of the Riot grrrl movement: Speak your mind, use style to express yourself, and provide genuine support to other women.
I was elated when my request to join the group was approved. Inside, I found a diverse group of women talking about marriage, work, shopping, dating, style, mental health — you name it. Sure, there were entirely too many flat lays of Apple products and peonies, and there was an uncomfortable moment here and there, like when a white woman bragged…
