Call Me Ugly, I Dare You
I don’t care if you call me ugly. Say it, I dare you. Mention the girth of my lips or the wide-set nature of my eyes. Maybe you’ll pick up on the flat scope of my nose or the jutting of my cheekbones. The ferociousness of my brows or my cocoa stained skin may tip you off to any perceived ugliness as well. But I don’t care.
My beauty doesn’t lie within my looks, but in my refusal to give up on life’s journey. So, tell me that I’m ugly if you choose. There are worse things to be called than ugly. And it’s not being called a slut.
So, call me a slut. Is it my ability to appreciate God’s craftsmanship of the male species? Is it my willingness and consent to be loved and be a lover, though unmarried? Call me a slut then. There are worse things.
I don’t understand why people think they can harm with words like ugly and slut. Want to insult me? Call me dumb. Call me powerless. Call me inconsequential. You can’t hurt me with words like ugly or slut.
Because a woman’s worth doesn’t lie in her aesthetic or sexuality. It lies in her. It lies in her definition. And it lies in her definition of self. My definition of self is my intelligence, my power, and my significance. I am smart because I say I am. I have power because I know I do. I have significance because I am alive. But I didn’t always think this. I didn’t always know this. Words like ugly and slut used to hold value, hold me down.
But when it hurt worse to be called dumb, beauty and sexuality held no importance. It hurt worse to feel powerless. It hurt worse to feel inconsequential. Society, even with feminism becoming more prominent in popular culture, still gives power to those who use ugly and slut to hurt. It’s cardinal to be considered ugly. It’s sinful to be a slut, even for those who give no importance to religions that discredit sexuality outside of marriage.
Society doesn’t grasp the importance of girls knowing they are smart, and capable and powerful. For women — and I call us women and not females, since that word strips women of their humanity (there are females in most species, but a woman is also a human) — who know their worth is based on what is important to them and not on the values that are given significance by others, it’s great that you know who you are. Many do not. Many can still be hurt with ugly, or slut.
For the women who can be and are hurt by those words, it’s not okay that people use these words to hurt you. But it is okay that you feel hurt. It’s okay that you’re not okay. Society is set up so that you feel like a victim when these words are hurled at you, but don’t give your naysayers that power. When you know you are beautiful, then you are. What helped me was saying it until my beauty radiated out of me from my core. I took power away from the words ugly and slut and gave into my desire to be smart, powerful, and influential.
Lastly, to those who want to answer the challenge and call me dumb, powerless or inconsequential, I’ll remind you of my ability to call shenanigans on anyone who calls me out of my name or incorrectly defines me. Like I said, I’m smart, I’m powerful, and I’m consequential. So I am.
Jasmine Rose-Olesco is a writer and activist concerned with the topics of intersectional feminism, mental health, popular culture, race, and technology. Her interviews, cultural essays, long-form narratives, and long-form reports on beauty, civil rights, class, comedy, gender, race, and technology have appeared on, or are forthcoming from, The-Toast.net, TheBillfold.com, Femsplain.com, HelloGiggles.com, LuckyMag.com,Refinery29.com, TheRiveterMagazine.com, TIME.com, and xoJane.com. In addition, she is a Featured Contributor for Femsplain.com and a Regular Contributor for TheRiveterMagazine.com.
See more of Jasmine’s musings by following her on Twitter.
