HUMANS 101
Caring for an Abusive Parent Is a Moral Choice Without an Easy Answer
How do you balance obligations when the past still lingers?
“If you want people to help you, you cannot scream at them. You have to be kind,” I spoke into the phone to my father. We talk every day now, sometimes half a dozen times (the other half dozen I let go to voicemail so I can work). Most of the time he screams, cursing, demanding whatever new item he’s fixated upon: the cable bill for the house he’s not living in, his jacket (though he can’t leave the nursing facility due to COVID lockdown), getting the lawn mowed.
“I just want the neighbor’s number. I have a pen here — ”
“No, Dad. I won’t give it to you again. He doesn’t want you to call anymore.”
People around the old neighborhood have blocked my father’s phone number anyway, finally getting overwhelmed by his constant calls, the swearing fits, his forgetting he’d called and calling again.
He is baffled over why the neighbor doesn’t want his calls. He denies that he’s ever shouted at him. He can’t remember.
I was seventeen when I moved away to college. Since middle school, I’d set my mind on getting the best grades I could in order to one day earn enough…
