A Cease and Desist Letter to Myself
The Law Offices of Sam Kimberle
666 Heartbreak Lane
Baltimore, Maryland 12345
Re: Cease and Desist — BYOB
Dear Ms. Kimberle, Esq.:
I hope this letter finds you well.
On or about July 26, 2019, you intend to leave your position as Director of a well-respected non-profit legal services agency. On or about July 27, 2019, you will begin working for yourself full-time as a creative entrepreneur. In your letter dated June 14, 2019, you declare that you intend to pursue a career in as many items as: writing, artistry, and vocal performance, among others.
This letter is to inform you that you must cease and desist telling my Client that she is unworthy.
In accordance with no statute in existence, an individual has no obligation to continue down a career trajectory that is not their life’s work. The circumstances under which an individual makes this decision are irrelevant, regardless of any “promise,” “talent,” or “potential” the individual shows in the undesired career path. This is a matter of settled law — it is undisputed.
In I v. Myself, a recent Supreme Court decision published as of the Summer 2019 term, the high court held that under similar circumstances, no one person should have to handle all that my Client has dealt with over the years, including but not limited to: insufficient mentorship, disrespectful employee behavior, and below market-rate pay, in addition to a variety of personal problems from undue stress and anxiety.
We therefore insist that you cease and desist all communication with our Client that is not positive, or is not in support of her dreams and search for purpose.
My Client is an inspiration. She is a success. She will one day be debt-free, living the life she was meant to live. You have no right to prohibit or in any way prevent my Client from reaching her goals.
Failure to comply with our reasonable request immediately will result in further legal action by my Client.
Precedent suggests that my Client has at least three (3) years from the date of this letter before the statute of limitation tolls on filing a civil action for irreparable harm resulting from years of irrational guilt and shame. My Client is prepared to move forward in taking such action.
All of this could be avoided upon your acknowledgement and compliance with our reasonable request for you to be kind, gentle and sympathetic towards my Client.
Please contact me at 1–800-GET-LOST with any questions.
All the best,
B.A., M.A., J.D., Esq.
…and whatever else the universe has in store for me.
This story was published in response to Human Parts’ Weekend Writing Prompt, “Have you been a good friend (to yourself) lately? If not, it’s time to BYOB: Be Your Own Bud. What would you say if you had to tough-love yourself into the Truth? Give yourself the advice, or the pep talk, or the props you need to hear.”
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