This Is Us

Contemplating My Professional Development During the End of the World

Society is on pause, but my compulsion to keep hustling won’t quit

Photo:
Fiordaliso/Getty Images

I’m thinking of paying three grand for an online hypnotherapist training course. “Sucker!” My husband says. But he doesn’t get it. See, I believe in the power of “visualization with intent.”

Once I complete the course, I will get a diploma that will allow me to become a professional hypnotherapist. I will become the best hypnotherapist in all the land. I will make a decent living — maybe even become rich — helping people by telling them, “Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are getting sleepier and sleepier. And when you wake up, you will be living the life of your dreams.”

But then there’s the creative writing MFA program that’s wooing my wallet, too. This one’s more costly — more than $20,000 more costly — than the three-week-long hypnotist training course. But I’m already a professional writer, so with the MFA, I figure I can increase my odds of becoming a famous bestselling author. And if that doesn’t pan out, at least I’ll have the option of earning back the price of the course fees by teaching English at a neighborhood school for the next 10 years.

Another option is the PhD in journalism. If I combine the title of professor with my already impressive portfolio of published news articles, I’m sure the New York Times will hire me in a heartbeat.

Oh, but wait, there’s also yoga teacher training, and if I don’t sign up for that right now, I’ll be an old woman by the time I’ve accumulated enough teaching hours, and who the hell wants to do downward dog with an arthritic instructor? Plus, if I sign up now, I’m eligible for the early bird discount and a free yoga mat.

With the world in lockdown or slowdown, and everyone spending more time than usual indoors, I find myself under the spell of an alter ego who reminds me of my college guidance counselor — always nudging me to explore ways that I can grow professionally. I’ve nicknamed this alter ego Potentiality.

Potentiality likes to tell me “You can do it!” à la Rob Schneider in The Waterboy. The moment I go online, he’ll go, “Pssst, check this out. This…