I Invented Mocktails

High-end, booze-free beverages are hot right now. I should know because I drank them before they were trendy.

Photo: Yoshiyoshi Hirokawa/Getty Images

According to multiple trend pieces, the unfortunately named “mocktail” is suddenly cool — and who am I to argue with trend pieces? They were right about acai bowls, weren’t they?

At restaurants and pubs all across the country, expensive non-alcoholic drinks with fancy ingredients like ginger and coconut milk and rosemary are all the rage. A new generation of hip teetotalers are freely guzzling overly-complicated booze-free concoctions and mingling, clear-eyed and sober.

Without a doubt, this is a positive development. The pressure to drink can be intense, especially for young people. The fact that it’s socially acceptable to roll into a Brooklyn pop-up or a Washington, D.C. bistro and order a Lemon-Pineapple Kiwi Sparkling Zinger without feeling judged is a step in the right direction. Don’t worry, there are plenty of places for experienced imbibers to ply their trade. But for a few non-drinkers, the bar is fully open.

The best part of these trend pieces is knowing that I am finally ahead of the curve. A pioneer. I was drinking non-alcoholic drinks before they became popular. If you’re a journalist thinking about jumping on the “mocktail” bandwagon…