HUMOR
Failure By Agreement
The wickedest voice
Walking our dog, Blossom, means you stop and stop as she drags herself over the entire planet, one sniff at a time. The first sniff leads to the next and the next. Chain sniffing. She slides her nose along the ground, building the fecal puzzle of a thousand lives.
My wife says sniffing is how a dog builds up its self-esteem, so how can I deny Blossom her sniffs? I cannot. I would never interrupt a system so simple, efficient, and wonderful. If sniffing my neighbors’ droppings made me feel good about myself, guess what I’d be doing right now.
Also, we recently learned sniffing has a laxative effect on dogs. Smells go in, waste comes out.
And yes, I’d still do it. If all I had to do for self-esteem was sniff the neighbors’ droppings and surrender some of my own, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I would do just about anything to esteem myself.
The million stops of the Blossom train give me plenty of time to think.
What do I think about? The same thing you do:
Insults.
Specifically, I think about the times I’ve been called worthless in one way or another.
A person hears some plan of mine and labels me a dud for thinking of this plan. Or they receive…
