The Places Anger Takes Us

I ran away from God in a pair of Asics

Elle Rogers
Human Parts

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Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

The day my husband and I found out we could not have biological children, I cut God out of my life totally, absolutely, and with little remorse.

All I wanted, all I had ever really wanted, was to be a mother, but the God who I had been taught loved me and watched over me and wanted me to be happy, had denied me my own desire. He had ripped it away with a test result and our conversation with a doctor.

To take away the one thing I had wanted for so long was unforgivable.

“Rage keeps the person who feels it company. It moves into the hollows left by grief and loss, and turns inside you like a dark furred animal that grows and fills you; it kills off loneliness and takes its place. ”

— Paula Sharp

The day we got the news, I ran away from God in a pair of Asics.

And when I had laid out every part of my physical self on the sidewalks like skid marks, I slowed to a walk, too tired even to cry. I don’t remember walking home. I don’t remember which route I took, but I passed an open window a few blocks from home and a baby’s cry sailed out into the still summer air.

Anger was better than bottomless grief.

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Elle Rogers
Human Parts

Mommy. Wife. Writer. Lunatic. My debut poetry collection, “The Weight of Need”, is available on Amazon.