The Places Anger Takes Us
I ran away from God in a pair of Asics
The day my husband and I found out we could not have biological children, I cut God out of my life totally, absolutely, and with little remorse.
All I wanted, all I had ever really wanted, was to be a mother, but the God who I had been taught loved me and watched over me and wanted me to be happy, had denied me my own desire. He had ripped it away with a test result and our conversation with a doctor.
To take away the one thing I had wanted for so long was unforgivable.
“Rage keeps the person who feels it company. It moves into the hollows left by grief and loss, and turns inside you like a dark furred animal that grows and fills you; it kills off loneliness and takes its place. ”
— Paula Sharp
The day we got the news, I ran away from God in a pair of Asics.
And when I had laid out every part of my physical self on the sidewalks like skid marks, I slowed to a walk, too tired even to cry. I don’t remember walking home. I don’t remember which route I took, but I passed an open window a few blocks from home and a baby’s cry sailed out into the still summer air.
Anger was better than bottomless grief.
