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Finding Solace in Solitude
Taking Time After Losing a Child
If I could take back the time lost, I don’t know that I would. I needed this time. My family needed this time. To slow down, to reflect, to grieve and to heal. The grieving and the healing process are long-term relationships. If you ignore or rush these processes, you will not get rid of them. Much like any other problem, you can’t drink, drug or sleep it away. It’s a dormant volcano waiting to erupt. It lays in wait for the most horribly bad timing to pop up.
The social norms of checking on each other after a loss vary around the world and from person to person. No two people are alike. My wife and grown children, for instance. When we lost our son, my wife and the boys retreated into their turtle shells. Not used to talking about things, they did what they always do and stuffed it down. A trait passed on from generation to generation is still in effect today. The only one who sought counseling was me. Which some might have thought was odd. Who am I to Gabe? What gives me the right to grieve a son when I had just officially been his mom for 6 months before he died?
Not that it is your business, but I’ll humor you. I have known my beautiful curly-haired boy since he was four years-old. I had him on weekends for sleepovers and days where we’d hang out to go watch a movie or grab a meal. I…
