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HUMANS 101
Forget About Trying to Change Someone’s Mind
Instead, focus on what’s in your control. Here’s how.
I called my good friend William and left him a voicemail. “I’ll be in Miami for five days. Hope we can get together one evening.” I never heard from him.
When I got back home, I called his mobile and work numbers. Nothing. I knew he was friendly with my ex-wife and asked her if he was okay. She said he was fine but was pissed off because I hadn’t returned his call from a month before my trip to Miami. I never got his call.
I reached out repeatedly for months to have a conversation. He wasn’t having it. His mind was made up, and there was nothing I could do. I was stunned and disappointed.
Changing someone’s mind in normal conditions is near impossible due to cognitive biases and heuristics (the brain’s ability to invent quick mental shortcuts to solve problems and make decisions). It’s even more pointless when we’re emotional, under stress, or facing uncertainty.
Psychologically we want stability, predictability, and normality, and we have anything but that right now. Uncertainty brings out our natural defense mechanisms — we’re going to hold on tight to what we believe will get us to safety. If we see a threat, we’ll dig in even…
