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Two weeks ago, I was kneeling to pull up ivy in the backyard with my sweetie, and when I stood up, I didn’t feel real anymore.
I don’t really know how else to describe it.
I wrapped my right hand around my left wrist, trying to feel real again, but it didn’t do much. I felt like I was disintegrating into particles of light but not in a fun, hot spiritual sense.
Jason could tell something was wrong with me immediately. “What year is it?” he asked. “Which way is north?” He did a silly monkey dance to get me to laugh. I think I did laugh, but it didn’t actually snap me out of anything. I tried to explain to him the truth as it seemed to me — there was nothing good about me. I had made so many mistakes. I was so disgusting and horrible and self-absorbed, and the fact that I was expressing this in ugly tears only made me more so.
