What I Wish I Could Tell My Friend About Her Wedding

Your wedding and your marriage are not the same thing

Emily Kingsley
Human Parts

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Photo: Thomas Barwick/Getty Images

OOne of my best friends is getting married next summer, which means she spends every weekend planning her dream wedding. She’s 38, and both she and her partner are getting married for the first time. They are a great fit, and both are over the moon for each other, so I couldn’t be happier.

But there are a few things I wish I could tell her about wedding planning.

First of all, a wedding and a marriage are two very different things. I’ve been to beautiful weddings where the marriage didn’t last a year, and one of my good friends secretly eloped and has been happily married for more than a decade.

Building a good marriage isn’t about favors or caterers or a signature cocktail. If you are marrying the right person, everything could go wrong at your wedding, and it will just be something you laugh about on your anniversary each year as your hair turns grayer and your wrinkles sink in deeper.

With this in mind, you can stress a little bit less about planning the perfect wedding. If you like designing centerpieces and you can afford it, do it. If you don’t, skip them. If you like chair covers, have them. If you don’t, skip them. Nothing has to be perfect — you should just…

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