How I Enjoyed Mother’s Day at 40

With a Distressing Relationship with Mami and Without Children

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“When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”
Let it Be — The Beatles
www.lyrics.com

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always dreaded Mother’s Day. It’s been the literal worst with a huge empty feeling from the pit of my stomach to the tip of where my tonsils once were. The week before Mother’s Day is filled with anxiety, the week after, depression.

My Relationship with Mami

As a self-proclaimed Empath and Highly Sensitive Person, I feel more than the average person. With heightened emotions and senses, one of my superpowers is picking up on people’s energy and anticipating their needs. Not intentionally. It would take me 39 years to realize it was a coping mechanism developed as a child.

From therapy so far, I’ve discovered I grew up with “Emotionally Immature” parents. The relationship that affected me the most, my relationship with Mami. What this looked like was conversations always focused on how I need to deal with even the most mundane of situations then focused back on her which led to feeling empty…