How to Attract the Relationship You Really Want

Why you keep dating the same type of people and what to do about it

Photo: Image taken by Mayte Torres/Getty Images

A cow path is a trail created by cows that allows them to get their basic needs like water, food, and shelter met. Often these paths are not the most direct route. There might be a more efficient way to get there, but they’ve never walked it before. The cows continue to trudge along those same well-worn paths because it’s what they’ve always done in the past. Sometimes our romantic lives can feel like cow paths. We walk along with our heads down, attracting the same types of people and moving from one unfulfilling relationship to the next.

Fortunately, if you’re reading this, you’re not a cow. You have the consciousness to create a new path. It’s not always easy to modify conditioned behaviors, our cow paths, but we can make changes through awareness and intention.

First, let’s talk about The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction is a book and a concept created by spiritual teachers Esther and Jerry Hicks (aka Abraham-Hicks). Their work explains that the energy we put out into the universe is the same energy we receive back. This interchange is especially true in dating.

When you have multiple dates lined up over the next several weeks, you’ll likely exude an air of confidence and friendliness. Most importantly, you let go of the outcome. You’re okay if it’s not a match. Your equanimity allows you to be your confident, authentic self on a date. Even if it’s not a match made in heaven, you’ll likely have a good enough time. In contrast, when you’ve only got one date on the horizon, and you’re desperate to find a significant other, you’ll likely be nervous and uncertain. This date probably won’t go as well.

For the most part, I’ve never had a problem attracting romance in my life. I truly appreciate and enjoy men. Men seem to sense this, and thus, there’s never been a shortage of candidates to date. However, while men have always been easy enough for me to attract, I haven’t always pursued the best partners — not the type of men I claimed to have wanted, at least.

For example, my first serious boyfriend after my divorce had a lot of the same qualities as my ex-husband. And not the good ones. These were…