How to Avoid Worsening an Emotional Crisis
A Go-To Guide On Some Things Best Left Unsaid To Anyone Going Through Any Form Of Emotional Breakdown
If there’s one thing that’s hard to understand, it’s emotions. Without, you might think yourself to be a very smart, understanding, logical human being.
When emotions are involved, however, it can have you feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster with no seat-belts on. Well, you get the idea.
Because of this, many of us believe that showing emotions can cloud our judgment and opt to show little or fewer emotions.
While many people see shutting down or ignoring emotions as an obvious solution, others believe that accepting them and trying to understand them is the best solution.
Whatever you believe is the right answer would depend on you and your experiences; however, that doesn’t mean you will not encounter people who express their emotions differently.
The sad part is, we don’t always say them out of contempt or bitterness. Sometimes we feel we are doing what’s right and best for them — tough love. Probably had them said to us a few times, and we “turned out just fine”.
Of course, if you don’t know how to handle your own emotions, being expected to know how to manage other people’s feelings would seem unimaginable and even irritating.
Especially since society is pushing to be more tolerant, people with low Emotional Intelligence often spill false word or words they do not believe in or understand, in hopes of not being attacked for not understanding.
So instead of focusing on what you can say, I will focus on what you shouldn’t say.
You’re Overreacting
It is effortless to get irritated by someone’s outburst of emotions. Far more quickly than a lot of us get to admit. It can feel more unbearable: if it continues over a specific limit, our patience permits us, or if we can’t just seem to understand where it is coming from or why it is the way it is.
This is because we often judge people’s reactions and ways of expressing emotions based on a template we’ve created in our minds, formed from our own perceived experiences.
We believe that we do not react as much to situations and that the severity of the event justifies our reactions.
As a result, it’s easy to sum off a panic attack, rant, or anger outburst as a pure exaggeration of the situation.
That is not something you should say to someone that’s going through a truckload of emotions.
Not only does this make you close off your mind to understanding and sympathizing with the person, but it also leaves them feeling insulted. It makes light of something they think is an enormous deal.
Later on, it may not seem so big, but that’s mostly because they won’t be going through the same emotions they went through during that episode. All this would accomplish is wounding their pride, creating another outburst of emotions, or worse, making them distance themselves.
Stop
Have you ever seen a heated fight where people stand around and wonder, “why is no one stopping them”? Well, it could be because they expect someone else to do it. It could be because they fear getting caught in the crossfire and ending up hurt. It could also be because no one listens when they’re told to stop.
Telling someone to stop being dramatic, angry, or emotional has the opposite effect on them. And this is not because of some reverse psychology trick. We as humans do not have control over how we feel, although we can choose how we react.
What you are saying is reminding them of their lack of control, making them feel weaker and plunging them deeper into the black-hole of negativity.
When a person feels an emotion intensely, even how we react can be clouded by it. Because of that, when faced with any other scenario — good or bad — we will respond with the same emotion. So if someone feels excited, but is told to stop, they’d probably display even more excitement because it’s so intense that they literally cannot control how they feel.
Now imagine telling someone who’d in an angry fight to stop. If you have no control over them or a way to grab their attention, telling them to stop feeling, would be like pouring water on a rock and expecting flowers to grow from it (and last I checked, stones don’t have flowers).
Calm Down
It’s honestly an apparent response to an emotional breakdown. It can also be well-meaning. The only issue with this is that: if the person could calm down, I’m willing to bet a few hundred dollars that they would.
When people go through emotional breakdowns, they don’t do it because it’s fun. They certainly do not do it for sympathy or — as it’s mostly believed — for attention.
Their emotions have rudely taken over their body without consent, and they most likely do not have any idea how to gain back the control. They do not have the luxury of flipping a switch and turning everything back to normal, as we believe.
… Cause of That Little Thing?
Little. Nothing says invalidation like that good-old word. If you intend to make the person slowly hate you or detach themselves from you, then congrats, you’re doing an excellent job. Keep pushing through.
But if you intend to help the person get a rein on their emotions, then summarizing the tremendous and very chaotic turmoil that they’re going through into “little,” then don’t use that word. Ever.
You’re Too Young/Old to be Feeling This Way
People dislike it when their age is brought up at all. For many, it’s often a reminder of a biological clock that’s ticking either too fast or too slow for their liking.
There’s usually a semi-awkward ambiance that’s involved in any conversation where age is brought up, especially if it involves accomplishments or emotions.
So some people have the moral sense to know never to bring it up unless absolutely necessary, and when it is brought up, they deal with it as quickly as it came.
And, while there are certain things expected of certain ages based on our unique backgrounds, placing someone’s emotions in any age boundary is just disrespectful.
Not only are you invalidating their feelings, but you scrutinize their age, maturity, and emotional accomplishments. It’s a hefty blow to one’s self-esteem. One that has no false sense of justification and really just does a lot of harm and no good.
It’s All In Your Head
Yes, yes it is.
Whatever you are going through, and whatever occurs between any human interaction — whether with the environment or other humans — all goes back to the brain. The brain is where it is all stored and processed, and — just in case you were never aware — the brain is indeed stored in our heads.
So although you are stating an obvious fact, whatever your intent might be in saying this would most likely be received negatively.
Telling someone that the pain they feel is in their head is counterproductive. To them, the pain is very real because their brain has perceived it as such. This is also why an emotional breakdown can activate physiological reactions.
What you might accomplish by saying that, is making the person involved feel conflicted. On one hand, they feel immense distress; and on the other hand, stands someone who is telling them the pain they feel isn’t real — or isn’t that serious.
There are so many more things that we regularly say to those around us that can not only invalidate the emotions they are going through but also make it worse.
The sad part is, we don’t always say them out of contempt or bitterness. Sometimes we feel we are doing what’s right and best for them — tough love. Probably had them said to us a few times, and we “turned out just fine.”
What many of us cannot remember is how it felt at that moment for us when it was said to us. I’m willing to bet that a lot of us were not too pleased to hear them, and we didn’t think they were for our own good either. We’d like to believe we took it well, or it didn’t affect us, but it probably did.
If you find yourself saying these phrases a lot, then you might want to take a step back and ask your friends how it makes them feel. You’d be surprised how a lot of them weren’t too fond of hearing these phrases.
Chances are, you’ve probably lost a few good ones. If you realize you’re saying these phrases to a particular friend, then you either learn to stop telling them or give a little distance between yourselves. Because you’d be getting more pissed at your friend’s supposed dramatic behavior, and you’d also be hurting them.
