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I Don’t Love My Lawn So Much As the Semblance of Control

Sometimes my mind goes haywire. But crabgrass I can manage.

Chris Gethard
Human Parts
Published in
11 min readAug 17, 2021

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Photo: Rémi Müller/Unsplash

Crabgrass emerges when your soil temperature reaches 55 degrees Fahrenheit for three straight days. You tend to see it first in compacted soil, but when it spreads through your lawn, it boxes out space for itself and settles…

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Chris Gethard
Human Parts

I'm a comedian, podcaster, author, former TV host, character actor, New Jersey enthusiast, and proud dad.