I Don’t Understand Straight People, Even Though I’m Married to One

I’m confident in my sexuality, but my husband’s makes no sense to me

Darcy Reeder
Human Parts

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Photo: Xiaoyi Cheng Xiao Yicheng/EyeEm/Getty Images

“Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be enough for you,” my husband says, “because I’m just a man.”

“You know I’m happy with monogamy,” I tell him. “You’re enough. You’re the person I chose.”

“But how can I be enough?” We’re spooning under the covers.

“With me, you can’t do everything.”

“Who needs to do everything?”

“I want to do everything.”

“Well, not everything,” I say, pulling his hand to my lips and nibbling his fingers.

“I want to do everything with you.”

I’m pansexual: I’m sexually attracted to people of all sexes and genders. Sometimes I use the word bisexual instead because “pan” makes me cringe with visions of a cartoon Peter Pan. But bisexual implies — duh — a binary. And my sexuality does not feel binary at all.

It’s not that I’m attracted to men and I’m attracted to women. It’s that I’m attracted to people.

When I say I’m pan, I’m not saying I’m attracted to all people. In fact, I’m not attracted to most people. But when I am attracted to someone, that…

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