Clinging to The Memories
Last night as I lay in bed reminiscing about my life, unable to will myself to sleep, the term ‘memory hoarding’ kept ringing in my ears. I knew I hadn’t heard it from anywhere so I thought I was the first person to come up with it, but after doing some research, it turns out it’s an actual thing that has already been talked about.
Memory hoarding is an obsessive-compulsive disorder, but that isn’t the case for me. I collect memories the same way squirrels collect nuts so they have food to eat in the winter. I collect memories so I have something to look back on. I cling to memories because I don’t want to forget important details of my life.
There’s something refreshing about going on Snapchat and seeing “Flashback from 4 years ago today” and remembering exactly what my day looked like. I enjoy picking up my journal from previous years and reliving special moments.
When I go a week without writing anything in my journal, I feel a panic that tells me I will not remember those days, five years from now and the memory will be lost forever.
I cling to memories because I don’t want to forget important details of my life.
Children in this generation will never have to forget memories because their lives are recorded from the moment they are born. Every milestone and every accomplishment is recorded. There are camera phones in almost every household.
Growing up in Africa, there were no cameras or video phones like it is abundant today. I can’t remember much of my childhood, and that’s because there’s no record of it. There are very few pictures from my childhood. I can’t remember my 5th birthday like my daughter remembers every single thing she did on her 5th birthday. I can’t remember the date of my first kiss, the date I first had a period or the age I developed breasts. I wrote it down like I always do but when I moved to the States; I left my childhood journal at home. Last I heard, they got destroyed in the storm. I lost those memories, and I can never get them back.
I hate that I can’t remember
Not remembering makes me feel like I’ve lost bits and pieces of myself.