I Know I Should Post Other Memes, But I Can’t Move on from Evil Kermit
I’ve gone to the dark side — and I don’t know how to turn back
When first hired at Wilson, Winston, and Stead, I possessed all the enthusiasm of a young professional in their first salaried position.
I bought a suit from the local thrift store and had it professionally cleaned. I used words like “advertainment” and “wheelhouse.” I walked around the office with a coffee cup attached to my hand and made sure to watch the same TV shows as everyone else. I stayed late. I complimented the boss’s tie.
And I posted all the latest memes on Slack, garnering fist bumps from fellow millennials and confused emojis from everyone else. A whole roster of characters sprang from my keyboard, from Spoderman to Ermahgerd girl — none of that weak minion crap, either. Only the most relevant and incisive memes would do.
I was living the dream.
But it’s been a few years. Now I take longer breaks. I’ve stopped ironing my jeans. I steal lunches from the office refrigerator. Sometimes, when I go to the bathroom, I don’t even pee. I just sit on the toilet playing Candy Crush for half an hour. Whenever someone says the word “disrupt,” I wait until they walk away, then pour my coffee into their filing cabinet.
