I Might Be Blind One Day

But I’ve Never Felt So Alive

photo by the author

Just saying that headline aloud sends shivers down my spine. But the fear is all too real, and it’s not fading away anytime soon — and after four eye surgeries in two years, it’s warranted. I’m not saying I’m sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I sure as shit am expecting it to. Yet, perhaps, this might just be what sets me free.

Every single day I try to remind myself, as often as possible, to live in this exact moment to the fullest. Because, after all, this magical carpet ride could all come to a screeching halt tomorrow. I can die tonight, or later this afternoon — or in the next 10 minutes. Maybe later when I “innocently” go to the grocery store, I can get into a car accident. I can stumble out of bed tomorrow, slip down the stairs, and break my leg. Another eye surgery could be lurking around the corner. Yikes!

Hell, a loved one could get sick or die. I mean, my parents aren’t spring chickens, so I know sooner or later, I am going to get that dreaded phone call. All my clients could dump me tomorrow, cancel their service, and take their business elsewhere. My wife could divorce me and take me for every penny I’m worth.

Am I being dramatic? Who’s to say? Life is the ultimate enigma, and every aspect of it is fleeting and subject to change. We think we…