I Thought We Would Have More Time
Stop waiting and whispering, and dance!
It was like something whispering at us to hurry, to stop wasting time, and I would like to have danced with you through the back door, out into the garden, down the street, over the line of the horizon. Oh, my dear. I thought we would have more time. — Carol Shields, The Stone Diaries
My heart broke when I first read those words in 1995. I flagged their page in Carol Shields’ extraordinary Stone Diaries with a Post-it because somehow, all those years ago, I knew I’d return to “loving Barker’s” shattering deathbed note over and over again. And I was grateful to find that flag still there this morning when I plucked the book from my library in search of resonance, understanding, comfort, connection… You see, I thought Cai Emmons would have more time, too, and my friendship with her.
Cai and I became friends over three decades ago, but our connections stretch back far longer. We both were among the first classes of women at Yale, back in the 1970s, and our mutual acquaintances crisscross time and space. As recently as last week we discovered we had friends in common dating from childhood. We both spent our young adulthood in the creative vortex of Manhattan. We both plunged into the writing life straight out of college and kept at it through teaching, publishing…
