I Understand Why People Have Never Liked Me

And that’s given me comfort

Original artwork by the author

Generally speaking, people have never really liked me.

I realize that sounds like something to say to get reassurance from the reader — “That’s not true! Who wouldn’t like you?” And honestly, not too long ago that would’ve been my motive — I had a desperate need to be told that what I suspected about myself, what I myself had experienced— that the problem had been me all along — wasn’t actually true.

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. “ — Gloria Steinem

My Big Fat Miserable Childhood

I hated everything about being a kid. I was the only child of an unhappy marriage and our miserable little family unit dwelled in small-town Texas.

I was constantly physically uncomfortable — I’ve had hyperhidrosis since birth, which means my hands, feet, face, and armpits sweat uncontrollably, most of the time, regardless of temperature or environment, but it’s exacerbated by heat. In addition to being aggressively bitten by the mosquitoes that swarmed the air year-round, I was always hot, thus always sweaty. My sweat pooled in my open mosquito bites and stung. My body dared me to scratch myself bloody.