I Was a Teenage Troll, and Other Stories of Hate
What an anti-Britney Spears website and a song about Barney taught me about hate
The children’s television show Barney & Friends premiered on PBS in 1992, just after my fifth birthday. As an American child, I’d loved many TV shows before, but this was the first to really make an impression. At five and then six, I was gaining consciousness, making lasting memories, morphing from a preschool tot into a school-attending child, and this show, with its educational foundation and silly songs and dances, seemed built for purpose. What wasn’t to love about a reasonably sized purple dinosaur who lived to cuddle and play games with children just like me? I tuned in every chance I got.
I don’t remember the exact moment I first heard the song that would end my Jurassic love affair. I don’t know if it was during recess or lunch or in line to board the bus, but I do know it was at school. And what I do remember, to this very day, are the lyrics, sung to the tune of a nursery rhyme:
Tic tac toe / Three in a row / Barney got shot by a GI Joe / Mama called the doctor and the doctor said / Whoop! Barney’s dead / Whoop! Barney’s dead!
Now let’s take a moment to break this down, shall we? According to this song, not only was Barney murdered by a…
