This Is Us
I’m 36 and Just Learned I’m Autistic
After a childhood (and adulthood) spent wondering why I never quite fit in, I finally understand myself
Staring up at the Florida evergreens, warmed by streetlights against the background of a deep blue, light-polluted sky, I began to feel the calming of my nervous system. The speed of my rocking back and forth slowed, my muscles released some of their tension, and the echo of the word “different” dampened in volume so other words and thoughts could enter my mind. My friend Jas, sitting on the other side of the steps, sensed a change in my energy and asked if I was all right. My brain hadn’t regained the ability to form many words, but I uttered, “I feel cursed.”
Half an hour earlier, I was surrounded by my peers and fellow members of a sketch comedy group. A performer in our group had stolen an expensive succulent arrangement from the property where we’d performed our gig over the weekend. She was caught on camera, and the client had threatened to call the cops. We’d taken time out before our rehearsal to offer her the chance to come clean and apologize.
I’d obsessed about her crime all weekend. I called and messaged everyone from the performance and spoke to them individually for hours at a time. I spent every night…
