It’s Not a Child’s Job to Heal Their Wounded Mother

We need to break up with people who hurt us — especially if they’re our parents

Arah Iloabugichukwu
Human Parts
Published in
7 min readMay 23, 2019

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Photo: Hero Images/Getty Images

MyMy friend is in a relationship with her mother. Not a romantic relationship, but an emotional relationship nonetheless, and it’s not as rare as it might sound. Growing up, I envied the closeness the two shared — I, too, wanted a mom I could talk about boys with, party with, gossip with, and I thought it was kinda cool that they knew each other’s secrets.

Tyler and her mom were truly best friends, and at the time I didn’t see a single downside to that. But as we got older and the rest of us were establishing boundaries between ourselves and our parents, Tyler couldn’t seem to shake her mom. Ms. Taylor claimed squatter’s rights in the common room of our university quad, often made mommy-daughter plans with zero consideration for any preexisting plans we may have had, and implemented mandatory weekends at home despite campus being just 30 minutes away. And once we could legally drink, things really ramped up between the pair. Instead of spending spring break in Cabo with the rest of us, Tyler would go on a couples cruise to the Bahamas with her mother… and other actual couples. Things were getting weird, and Tyler was starting to notice.

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Arah Iloabugichukwu
Human Parts

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