This Is Us
It’s Time We Stop Saying ‘You Never Know Love Until You Have a Child’
This common phrase is hurtful to all women — even the mothers who are saying it
In mid-January, I was scrolling through Instagram and stopped to watch a clip Ashley Graham had posted from a video she made to celebrate her son’s first year of life. It was emotional and beautiful and sweet, but the video included a sentiment that seems to appear in so many new mothers’ lexicons: “People tell you, people will try to explain it to you, but you don’t know love until you have a child of your own…”
I felt the same thing I always feel when I hear people say things like that — a genuine pain in my chest that feels like a little stab. It quickly dissipates into a generalized thrum of sorrow, a wound that immediately settles into the bruise that has formed from all the times I’ve heard that phrase.
I stayed with the feeling for a long moment. I knew there would be others who would feel this sting, and out of curiosity, I wandered into the comments to see. I saw that a person had commented to tactfully and kindly point out how harmful this sentiment is—not just to people who always wanted kids but couldn’t/didn’t have them, but to the way people view love in this culture.
