I’ve Been Canceled

A satire

Emily Kirkpatrick
Human Parts

--

A marquee reading, “Plaza Cinema: Temporarily closed.”
Photo: Michael Dziedzic via Unsplash

“I’ve been canceled,” I announce to my Twitter followers the morning after the incident. My mentions light up immediately, the notification counter unable to keep pace with the condolences, likes, and retweets rushing in. While the comments start out as an unadulterated stream of sympathy for the ordeal I’ve just endured, the tone quickly shifts after a couple of hours to queries of next moves, potential Notes app…

--

--

Emily Kirkpatrick
Human Parts

Emily Kirkpatrick is a writer for hire currently covering all things Vanities at Vanity Fair.