Learning to Share a Life with Teenagers Who Aren’t Mine
Harry Potter, pancakes, and the journey to becoming a blended family
The first time I met him, Luca never made eye contact with me. He stared alternatively at his shoes or his arms. Sofia, on the other hand, spontaneously reached out to me to introduce herself. A year and a half ago, I met my partner’s kids for the first time. At that time, Luca was 14, while Sofia had just turned 13. Adolescence had just truly started.
It was two years since I started dating my partner. Being recently divorced when I met him, our relationship grew slowly but steadily. Two years later, I was meeting the children. I should have been the adult, but I felt the teenager was me. I was totally scared they would not like me. I was scared of not being accepted.
Now, one year and a half later, I know we like each other. I know that my big fear was driven by something else: truly caring for my partner and deeply wanting to build an authentic family with him.
Being highly empathic, I also tried to imagine the kids’ perspective when they would have met me. As a teenager, what would I want? What would I be scared of? What sort of person would I like to have around? I vividly remember the adults I loved when I was 13. It was people that loved me back. People who truly cared for me, even if, at that time…
