Affirming Time: A Transformational Journey
The days flow from morning to night, season to season. Time has pushed me to the edge of reason.
For as long as I can remember, Time and I have been enemies. As a child, I spent summers grounded for getting home late. As an adult, the old adage ‘there aren't enough hours in the day’ rings very true — I would pay a premium for extra hours in a day if anyone would care to invent it.
I experience time as a ticking bomb. I do not distinguish between minutes or hours. Everything is a rush. I feel behind in all directions. Whether it be behind with the making breakfast and packing lunchboxes, or behind with the tick list of life’s to-do’s. Absurdly, because I’m so afraid of being late, I now run chronically early. But even this eats the precious minutes of time and renders me inactive in the run-up to appointments instead.
The pressure to achieve, all on a timeline. Become successful, on time. Have a career, buy a house, get married, have kids! Tick tock, tick tock! The approach to my thirties filled me with a dread hard to quantify. I made some questionable life choices due to the rapidly running sand timer that was my fertility. In my forties, I decided I wanted hobbies. I started to resent the time that adulting took away from playtime. Resisting my role as an adult and caregiver leached every last drop of joy from my home life. This all-or-nothing thinking wasn't sustainable.
A therapist commented that I need to find a way to work with time rather than against it. In Eckhart Tolles's The Power of Now, Tolle claims time is an illusion, but concedes that in modern society ‘clock time’ has its place. In Michael Singer's The Untethered Soul, Singer describes surrendering to the present moment. Life is short, time is precious. I can't keep waiting for the right time to find joy.
So, how do I make friends with time? I have started to use affirmations. I write them daily in my morning pages. ‘I am calm, I am connected, I am intentional’. Each day I reflect on the affirmations as I write them. Each day I am getting clearer on what they mean to me and how they fit in with my core values. This is a work in practice, but I am noticing my slip-ups more often and catching…