Lived Through This

What No One Tells You About Male Infertility

My wife and I spent years trying to get pregnant. This is our story.

Photos courtesy of the author.

I’d be lying if I said I wrote this solely for other people. The reality is, I wrote this for me—to get all the thoughts of the last few years out of my head. But I’m sharing it because I know what it’s like to feel like you’re on an island in your head with these thoughts.

Mary and I got married in October 2017. In May 2018, we decided it was time for “Baby Collins.” No problem. We’d planned a trip to Ireland as a last hoorah, “pulled the goalie,” and joked about naming the baby after an Irish town. By the end of the summer, we thought we would be pregnant.

You can tell we are in Ireland because the garnish goes the opposite direction.

Ireland was amazing. Great culture, solid food, and an amazing time. Fewer Black people than you would imagine—even for Ireland. Yes, that few. Summer came and went but still my wife wasn’t pregnant.

But all was good. Our faith had grown, and we were still confident that pregnancy was just around the corner. Optimism rang supreme. Friends and family were filled with great words of wisdom and anecdotes…