Me, Alone in the World and Not Terrified
After separating from my husband, I took a solo vacation to try out my new singledom
September 2013
Southwest flight to Phoenix
I am sitting on an airplane and I am traveling alone. I have no ring on my finger and I haven’t been seen in public in this naked and brazen way in 13 years. I imagine I look like some kind of middle-aged weirdo to the lady and her young child who sit next to me on the Southwest flight. I imagine the lady looking at my finger, noticing the bareness of it. Trying to inch her child closer to her because she doesn’t know what sort of a woman I am. She has no idea how much I long for my own kids to be sitting by me or how much I just want my family back.
My kids are staying at home with their dad, who has been living in various apartments and temporary living situations since we separated in April.
It’s September. I’m exhausted.
This innocent mom probably thinks I’m a different sort of lunatic — if only she knew that I’m actually the type who didn’t even know the man I was married to for over a decade.
I’m 90% sure I’m getting divorced. I’m scared. I’m so scared I smoked a cigarette on the way to the airport at 4:30 a.m. But truthfully…
