Men’s Dating App One-Liners, Loosely Translated

If his bio says ‘No baggage,’ it means ‘My ex-wife took all of our suitcases’

Sara K. Runnels
Human Parts
Published in
3 min readJan 23, 2020

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Photo: Rohit Tandon/Unsplash

What a man’s dating profile says can be very different from what it actually means. So here’s a guide to better understand the common, recycled lines seen on dating apps, while endlessly swiping for a coveted “partner in crime.”

I love whiskey.

Confirmed: I am a man.

Not my baby in the pic.

I don’t even know this baby. Who the hell is this child?

Just looking for something casual.

Please send me a link to a nice Gap V-neck tee.

No hookups.

I will literally have sex with you under any circumstances.

Hi.

I will literally have sex with you under any circumstances.

Just here to make friends.

I will literally have sex with you under any circumstances.

New in town, show me around.

For no money, can you drive me through the city on a double-decker bus, point out 4–6 landmarks, and have sex with me? (I will leave a Yelp review.)

Political views: moderate.

I am socially liberal, but fiscally an asshole.

We won’t work out if you don’t workout.

It’d be ideal if you were just a protein shake stacked on top of a barbell.

Looking for a partner in crime.

Be the Bonnie to my Clyde! (Bonnie and Clyde are my pet rabbits who have never been in trouble with the law.)

Outdoors > indoors.

Currently dangling from a cliff, can someone send help?

I’m actually older than my profile indicates.

I have Boomer tendencies, and therefore, have no idea how to change my age.

5’10 without heels.

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Sara K. Runnels
Human Parts

Copywriter by day. Humor writer by night. Exhausted by afternoon. @omgskr / sararunnels.com