Midlife Sex

When Hormones Shift

Photo of the author.

Two years ago, I wrote an essay entitled “Midlife Sex is the Best Sex.” I shared that contrary to the trope that aging women are sexless, we are often more sexually hungry and empowered than the younger versions of ourselves. This not only makes us sexier to other people, but it also makes us sexier to ourselves and thus engaged in our sex lives in a richer way— especially those of us who find ourselves suddenly single and able to partake in whatever sexual experiences we want after a long time partnered up.

Younger partners, one-night stands, sex toys, threesomes, sex parties, learning how to find your G-spot? Bring it on. I didn’t try all these things, but I felt free to. I have spoken with many women who relish their freedom to do whatever piques their interest without self-judgment or fear of judgment from others.

I heard whispers about the effects of menopause on a woman’s sex life but haughtily thought, not me. The whispers turned into shouts when menopause finally had it’s moment after The New York Times published a major piece about it in February 2023 that spoke frankly about the symptoms of menopause and the ways in which the medical field has ignored women’s suffering and pleas for help.

My own prolonged perimenopause had not had much effect on my sexual appetite. Night sweats routinely drenched me on and off for going on a decade with an occasional hot flash thrown in. But my body’s reproductive system persisted, much to my irritation but also triumph.

My cycle had never been regular. As a teenager, I could skip my period for up to six months, having to take progesterone to induce it. I viewed my friend’s regularity — even when it came with cramps and mood swings — with envy. Their bodies were doing what they were supposed to do, which made them seem more feminine than I was. I perceived myself as a bit broken; it did not help that doctor after doctor warned that I would likely have trouble getting pregnant.

At the age of 28, my husband reluctantly agreed that my fervent desire for a baby tipped the scale in my favor, outweighing his ambivalence about starting a family when we were so young. It only took a few months for my body’s lack of cooperation to change the narrative from that of a young couple’s fun-filled sex romps to…