Monitored and Recorded

an automated valentine

Welcome.

Please insert your hand in your heart and keep it there for the duration of this transaction.

Be patient while we access that memory.

Select the transaction that services your current neediness and remember to keep your Personal Isolation Number a secret.

Would like to withdraw all from a joint account of umbilical cords and legal ties?

Or transfer from your personal savings of tender Kodachrome daydreams to the frying pan of day-to-day checking?

Our records show this account has been closed for fraud.

A Representative will be with you shortly.

If, for any reason, you become disconnected, please wait patiently with your face on the cool key board. Tears or other liquids that result in moisture damage may invalid your warranty.

Your murmured prayers may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance.

If you know the intention of your partner or the reasons for the increasing distance between you, you may dial it at any time.

To hear a directory of missed opportunities, press the lump in your throat and whisper your soul’s true purpose.

I’m sorry. I don’t understand.

Did you know you can check the status of your relationship, as well as your place in the universe, by visiting us @ WhatWereYouThinking.com?

Here you can view all your naive optimism and gaping blind spots, as well as answer questions about where all plans went awry.

I’m sorry. Anguish is not a valid option.

To return to your main purpose in life, press on.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

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