This Is Us

My Daughter Is Not My Pride and Joy

How I’m working to parent beyond ego and expectation

Shanna Loga
Human Parts
Published in
4 min readMar 4, 2021

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Child holding up a trophy against a sunset.
Photo: Bonita Cooke/Getty Images

“Did you know my Shanna is making straight A’s again this year? And that she made captain of the cross-country team and the speech team? She’s my pride and joy.”

Growing up, my mother never missed an opportunity to brag about my accomplishments to relatives, coworkers, and grocery store clerks. My accomplishments were her accomplishments. She would preen herself on my achievements while I stood by feeling like a show pony.

Sometimes, I let her boasting feed my ego. Other times, I felt awkward and ashamed. “Is this all I am to her?” I’d wonder to myself.

I thought my mom would let go of this habit once I entered adulthood.

Early last year, I went to a mixer at her retirement community, and she introduced me as “the daughter who went to Carnegie Mellon.” I graduated over a decade ago. Obviously, not much has changed. As my sister says, “Mom lives through us.”

My mother is the rebellious daughter of a well-educated and well-respected Mauritian family. Her sisters went to medical school and nursing school, respectively; my mom married an American and left Mauritius to live in the U.S. with only an unaccredited secretarial…

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Shanna Loga
Human Parts

Multiracial Midwestern Mama | Multiniche — you never know what I’ll write about next (and neither do I) | She/her/hers | https://shannaloga.com/