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My Husband Got His Own Apartment
We need to challenge what’s “normal” to figure out what works
My husband’s new studio apartment is on a college campus. As such, it has the requisite cinder block walls and brown-tiled bathroom floor. It is not a beautiful apartment, but it is more than passable. It’s clean, warm, and comfortable. It requires no commute. And perhaps most importantly, no one else lives there.
My husband will be spending three nights a week at his new apartment, Tuesday through Friday, as he settles into his new job as Assistant Professor. I’ll admit, I feel a bit guilty that we have access to two living spaces when so many people are struggling to afford just one roof over their heads. Then I remind myself that the university is under-enrolled and the apartment would otherwise sit empty. But still. It seems extravagant.
There are lots of good reasons for this new living arrangement. My husband is currently dividing his time between two campuses, one an hour from our home and the other 30 minutes further.
I worry about him on the road. Not just because of the other drivers, who seem to be getting ever more distracted and ever more aggressive. Not just because of the wet winter weather, or the heavy darkness that falls early and lifts late.
I also worry because he’s a Black man behind a wheel. A Black man who has been pulled over 55 times and counting. A Black man who could all too easily end up in jail or dead.
These are the reasons I cite when I tell others that my husband is now gone three nights a week. People seem to understand. I don’t share the other reasons, the more personal reasons. That’s because I don’t want my coworkers or acquaintances to think there is anything “wrong.” Because there’s still a part of me that just wants a “normal” marriage, a “normal” family.
But here’s the thing: “normal” doesn’t work for all of us. In fact, I’d venture to claim that “normal” doesn’t work for most of us.
The nuclear family — what we’ve come to perceive as the “normal” family — hinges on a set of assumptions that no longer match the realities of most working…
