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Crouton Connoisseur: My Epic Salad Failure
Bathe me in A1 and au jus, for I am not a salad eater, though I long to be one.
I bought two bags of croutons and three bottles of salad dressing and now the croutons are gone. I bought these items in yet another attempt at becoming a person who eats salads, a person who I am not and have never been but want to be. One of the normal people, the people who respect their bodies and the planet. Instead, I am a person who eats croutons, like chips out of the bag. I have consumed A1 sauce straight from the bottle and would happily bathe in au jus. My body exists for warfare, in ceaseless battle with the more devious parts of my mind.
This is not my first salad foray, but this time my intentions were particularly premeditated. Back in May, I planted this loose-leaf lettuce (I don’t know lettuce names, but it’s not the round ball kind). It’s right outside my kitchen window in a little flower box so that I can see it every day, waving at me in the breeze, taunting me. And so finally, with the salad overflowing the flower box, I went to the grocery store and got the croutons, knowing they are a key salad ingredient — perhaps the most critical ingredient, at least for the salad novice. Though the dressing seems to be equally important, and so I purchased Greek vinaigrette, house Italian, and restaurant style Italian. Are these good dressings? Because I do…
