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Nothing Is Lost: Talking To My Kids About Divorce
I was four when my biological father disappeared like a phantom out of my life. I have vague memories of him and his family. I suppose they are my family as well but they float in my mind like shadows. My whole life has had this weight of absence upon it.
Despite my mother finding a great guy and settling down. Despite becoming the oldest of eight wild siblings. Despite growing up in a loving and encouraging family. My phantom father touched me with cold hands when I found out that my wife was pregnant.
I vowed not to do that to my son.
When our second son was four, divorce was a serious topic of discussion. My wife realized some truths about herself that made our marriage no longer viable. Namely that she was lesbian.
After the process of her self-discovery and arriving at that conclusion, I felt the cold breath of my biological father on my neck. Neither my wife nor I had any intention of abandoning our kids. However, we didn’t have any examples of a healthy divorce or co-parenting situation in our circle.
Stories are wonderful vehicles for discussing complex situations with simple and understandable language. A story that had become popular with my boys was The Neverending Story by Michael Ende. We had read it twice through for bedtime. I even did voices.
