On the Other Side of Broken Dreams

Where beauty comes alive again after marriage

Julie Lynn
Human Parts


Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

For 18 months I tried to save my marriage. But a Christian marriage retreat, months of couples counseling, and lots of talking, arguing, and crying failed to bring back to life what had been dead for a long time. Throughout those 18 months, I was dying inside and yearning to be free from a miserable situation. But I kept thinking about how I would feel every other Christmas morning, to wake up and not have my kids in my house. So I hung on, until eventually I couldn’t hang on anymore.

After I told my then husband I was done, I found peace in letting go of my marriage, but I also found a different kind of pain. Anyone who believes divorce is taking the easy way out hasn’t been through a divorce. There was no easy way for me. I had to choose my hard. I could stay in my marriage and continue to lose myself so much that my kids would only ever know a faded away version of their mother. Or I could end my marriage, lose my intact family, rediscover myself and come alive again. Divorce was the right choice, but I still feel the loss of my decision.

It’s not only Christmas that is hard. It’s when I wake up on the morning of my child’s birthday, and I can’t wish them “Happy Birthday” in person. It’s when I see intact families together and know that will never be my…